Champagne & Balls of Steel

And so I decided to finally have a glass of champagne with my balls of steel on this Sunday evening. Today would have been Day 8 of my road trip, one which as most know, was cut short due to a tragic loss of someone gone too soon. It’s been a trying week of tears, questions, disappointed nods and alas, a memorial mass to provide a bit of closure, despite the fact that this is never something truly closed or recoverable-from for loved ones left behind.

I know I say this too often and I don’t tire of it because I am committed to keeping an open mind for whatever lessons will come my way, in whatever form God wants to send them. On this road trip I was taking on my own, I wasn’t as excited with what I’d see (although I knew there would be more than many amazing sites) as I was for what I’d experience. I’d been planning this trip for months, and despite the fact that I planned to keep it spontaneous, I had, with surgeon-like precision, perfectly mapped out routes, reserved hotels, scheduled dinners, lunches and coffeeings with friends along the way, planned hot-air balloon and zip-line adventures and found parks and parks to hike and hike! Having said that, I have always understood that we can make all the plans in the world but God is always in control, always interceding on our behalves if need be (a la The King And I) etc., etc., etc.! That understanding, I’ll be honest made the reroute from the I-10 West drive toward Dallas to an I-10 East drive back to Miramar tolerable albeit sad and heartbreaking.

As I sit here with my new quill pen (Christmas gift to myself), a nothing-tastes-better-than-a brand new blank journal and my balls of steel, I realize that, at home or on the road, every day that God gives us is worth celebrating, yes, with a delicious glass of bubbly because life is precious, because LIFE is precious! My 10-day road trip lasted exactly 45 hours, 32 of which were spent driving. As He always does, within that short time, God delivered the lessons, the gifts and exactly all that I needed to gain from this trip.

I learned that I am unwilling to travel without a fresh supply of 5-Hour Energy; I learned that audio books can be a lone road-tripper’s best friend; I learned that you can turn a 20-hour car ride into a 17-hour one with enough determination; I learned that the stars and reviews on hotels.com matter; I learned that family will bring us joy and piss us off but that when the shit hits the fan, when they need you, they need you; I learned that just because there’s a Dairy Queen at a gas stop, you shouldn’t have a brownie hot fudge sundae with chocolate ice cream, whipped cream and nuts when you know you still have 15 hours of driving ahead of you; I learned to trust (but verify) my car’s GPS; I learned that there’s a tremendous sense of realness when you are on your own, unalone spiritually yet unaccompanied physically; I learned that the balls of steel I’d purchased were unrequired, and I learned that truly loving yourself is very empowering.

I received the gift of dinner with Frankie on a trip that proved to be simply long enough to accommodate this and it was perfection; the gift of listening to “Dying To Be Me” which was a telling story of a woman who’d had a near death experience that changed her world – a message which was powerful and inspiring; the gift of listening to “You Are a Badass” which is my new “Go-Giver” and was the perfect defibrillator and by perfect, I mean, I have a box with 20 of them waiting to be wrapped as Christmas gifts; the gift of growing or finding my ‘pair’ between the Turnpike entrance at Wildwood and the Thomas Manuel Bridge which always signifies home is getting close; the gift of going back to the drawing board for a much more exciting trip next year; the gift of a fresh breath of life encouraging and allowing me to stand up for myself, unapologetically and with no regret, and above all, the confirmation that no matter how many route guidance devices I may have with me, trusting, accepting, following and loving my inner compass is the greatest gift of all.